When Your Blog is Late

August is Romance Awareness Month and I was going to write about romance. But there’s a problem. I’m not feeling very romantic these days

So I checked the Twitter hashtag trends yesterday and found lots of other topics. Two were related to romance. National Girlfriend’s Day and National Night Out Day. Hmm. Sounds like they’re related to romance.

The one that interested me the most was Stupid Things You Say to Your Doctor. This one is a bit of a misnomer because it assumes you can actually get in to SEE your doctor when you’re sick. If you don’t have a doctor in the first place, good luck in finding one that 1) sees new patients 2) takes your insurance, and 3) has an opening with the next thirty days.

I thought back to stupid things I’ve said to doctors and the first one that came to mind was when my daughter was born. I was in the labor room, about to deliver, and my doctor sauntered in holding a plate with Swiss steak on it (his lunch). I looked at him and in the seconds between powerful contractions I said, “Are you going to finish that?” As I recall he took his last few bites, put down the plate, washed his hands, and caught the baby. True story…too long for Twitter.

My favorite medical-related vignette is a morning television commercial advertising the services of malpractice attorneys. It went something like this: “If you or a loved one has been injured or died because of this procedure, call us.” Really? How do I call if I’ve died from the dreaded procedure? Heavenly voices? Someone didn’t preview that commercial very carefully.

And then there’s my usually very quiet spouse who recently experienced a stroke and had electric stimulation nodes taped to his cheek to “wake it up.” The therapist looked at him and said “how does that feel?” His response with a straight face: “Shocking.”

The responses on the Twitter feed were also amusing. A couple of my favorites: “Can I get a second opinion on the bill?” and “Can you write me a prescription to get rid of a pain in the ass?” And my personal favorite, “Is the baby mine?”

Maybe I should have written about romance.